If you would have asked me pre-motherhood if I would breastfeed, I would have likely looked at you oddly. I too, at one time in my life was ignorant to breastfeeding. Sure, I knew that breasts created milk and babies nursed from them, but in my life it was not a common sight I witnessed. I remember one aunt nursing her baby and she covered up with this apron looking thing or went in another room. I didn't really mind and was impressed that was how she fed her baby. I saw her baby growing and it was fascinating. I didn't care about breastfeeding though. We all were formula fed and there was nothing wrong with it. I wasn't against feeding my baby being formula fed in the future and I still to this day would not have been against it if my baby needed to eat. Anyways, the reason I wanted to breastfeed was because it was free. There, I said it. It was free. I never knew i'd have this incredible bond or experience that would eventually end and I'd cry. And then after crying order breastmilk jewelry. (yes that is a thing!)
I some how was fortunate enough to breastfeed and I say fortunate because it is like playing the lottery. I breastfed for six years consecutively, three different babies and even experienced tandem nursing. Babies have to learn just as much as mom in the beginning of nursing. Mom has to force her milk supply to come in by hooking herself up to a breast pump instead of spending time with her baby. Her baby who she will blink and be registered for kindergarten. Because every single one of us know how fast time really goes. And if you don't then you may see too eventually how fast it goes. Then again, you may just be fortunate. I consider myself fortunate to have had successfully breastfeed all three of my babies. And had the honor to donate milk too due to an over supply. (OUCH, btw)
With my first, it was painful and challenging because many women in my family choose to formula feed. I didn't have many women cheering me on. I had family a little weirded out actually because there I was with my boob out, begging this new baby to just latch so I wasn't flashing the entire family at this cook-out. I tried the cover for a little a bit, but she was summer a baby and it was hot. She would toss and turn the second I put it on. So eventually. I stopped using it. She was terrible at latching, but she did so well at the hospital. For some reason no one came into my room to discuss the challenges ahead with nursing. I was facing this pretty much alone and my boyfriend didn't understand how important it was for me to do this. I wanted to do this. I wanted to accomplish this as society says women should breastfeed. That's what breasts are for. Because we got pregnant with fertility meds I felt like less of a woman, so really successfully breastfeeding was important to me. I wanted my body to do something natural. Something incredible like help my baby thrive.
I had a pump, but had no idea how to use it. At this point, my baby was losing weight not gaining and the doctors were suggesting I pump or give formula. I wasn't working and my boyfriend was. The last thing I wanted was to struggle with diapers and formula. I was determined to do this. So I stayed up, reading, educating myself on all things breastfeeding. I bought different bottles, nipple shields and this fancy little straw thing that helped her learn to latch. But it took her months and months to finally get the hang of it.
I experienced mastitis, oversupply, raw nipples and strawberry milk. Oh yeah, strawberry milk which brought tears to my eyes. I wanted to quit right in that moment. I was pumping every two hours, no matter where I was. I was in college so the pump came with me. I pumped at parties and cook outs. At the pool. In the car if there was no where else. I had the battery packs and the back up pump stored in the car along with a hand held. I never thought i'd make it through this journey, but next thing I knew my 2nd baby was coming and my first wanted to tandem nurse with him. She did this for about 2 week after he was born. Marking 2 years of nursing for her. Even if we pumped the first 4 months and continued until 2.
I wanted to give up so many times my first journey. And it would have been completely okay if I did. I am a firm believer in mental health and if my mental health would have continued to decline because my baby was losing weight instead of gaining, I would have done what I needed to for her. But I gave it my all. I researched and found guidance from others. And eventually I found a community of breastfeeding mamas to make it that much easier the next two times. I then learned support and confidence goes the longest way!
Get you a village! Or you're welcome to join ours! <3
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