I can still hear the sounds of each machine surrounding my baby.
I can see the tubes in his nose and down his throat.
His little fragile body, laying in an incubator.
His belly moving up and down as he tries to catch his breath.
He cannot breathe from his mouth and nose on his own.
Because he is a boy,
He is considered a wimp in this zone.
4lbs 11oz and 18.5 inches tall.
My first was full term, I did not know this life at all.
His skin a dark yellow and his eyes glazed.
Receiving phototherapy for a few days.
Seeing him with a little eye mask under lights.
I remember thinking this just was not right.
Jaundice and anemia.
Low blood sugar and respiratory complications.
Belly breathing at home
back to the hospital we go.
Some how we made it.
You're stronger than before.
I am able to take you home finally
so we run out the door.
My miracle boy, forever so sweet.
I am so thankful to witness your growing feet.
But I'd be lying if I said a NICU journey
doesn't feel like defeat.
I wrote this shortly after I got home with my son. He was my second child, but due to complications we were placed on bedrest early on. He ended up coming around 35 weeks, which is considered late-pre term, but his complications were more severe due to his lungs not being developed. He was a solid weight in my opinion, but he belly breathed for quite some time and fought hard for his little life. He is my little superhero, now four, mastering any challenge that comes his way. I am grateful our journey in the NICU is over and my love goes out to anyone who has ever experienced the journey whether premature or full term, whether one hour, one day or 1 year, it is an experience no parent should have to encounter. <3
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