I haven't always had a positive mindset. And to be honest, there are still some moments in my life that I have to stop and remind myself to change my thoughts. Or they will absorb me. Other times I have to mediate or do yoga.
It's hard to do some days, especially with anxiety. Especially with PTSD. But I'm learning I'm not alone. I'm learning what triggers me and how to manage my responses to those triggers.
Anxiety is being at the dmv and the person ahead of you is causing a scene. Suddenly your heart is jumping out of your chest. You're triggered and now having a panic attack.
Anxiety is being at the store with your children and one goes a little farther than arms reach and you instantly panic. Instantly thinking that your baby will be taken and then who knows what. But I know where you mind may go.
Anxiety is waking up and calling your parents because you had a terrible dream that something happened to them. You hear their voices on the phone, but you still drive over to be sure.
Anxiety is getting behind the wheel of a car and hyperventilating because you think someone is going to crash into you. Or even worse, you crash into someone else.
Anxiety is having to choose between crunchy peanut butter or creamy while the person next to you is blocking the entire isle.
Anxiety is waking up before your alarm because you fear be late.
Anxiety is opening your door at night to let the dog out and expecting a body with a weapon to greet you.
Anxiety is getting the car, triple checking carseats and buckles.
Anxiety can be heavy breathing. Silent screaming. Heart racing and hands shaking.
Anxiety can so quickly turn into a panic attack. Which often feels similar to a heart attack.
Anxiety could be different for you, but for me this is a peak into my anxiety.
I used to be ashamed. Even slightly embarrassed, but I'm learning theres absolutely no shame in it. There are seeds that were planted in my life long ago that have caused me to feel the emotions I do today. And it sucks, but I won't let it define me. I may be anxiety, but I am so much more than that.
I am human. A human who has emotions just like everyone else. And I am choosing to accept them and validate them, as should you.
Sometimes the littlest things can be challenging. Brushing your hair. Going to the store. Take these small things and remember that they are enough. It is enough.
Mental illness is hard to manage some days more than others, but sharing your story can only inspire others who feel exactly like you do.
*I do not own the rights to the image shared above*
Oh man, I’ve been there. The silent screams. The racing heartbeat. The sleepless nights. The intrusive thoughts. Sleeping to just get away from the constant noise in your brain for a little while.
I’m much better now, but still have moments.
thanks for sharing your story. Normalizing it takes the stigma away and helps other people like me realize we’re not alone.
Beautifully written! I can relate SO much to all of this and I'm sure it will be really helpful to any other anxious people who read this. We are not alone. Thank you for sharing!
You're definitely not alone. Many people don't know they have anxiety, and those who have it and know what to do benefit from reminders. Thank you for writing this - it increases awareness and is encouraging :)